Just Trust Jesus

    For once in my life, I think I'm at a loss of words. Everyone at home has asked me about my experience while away and I can give them two minute stories but it just feels so inadequate in comparison to what I literally saw The Lord do. I've went over a million different ways I could say a million different things to try and help people understand something, anything. The truth is, there is no way I can begin to explain the extreme injustice I stood in the midst of. I am befuddled, in mind and heart, at how quickly time leaves, and I'm so reminded that my life truly is a vapor. I can close my eyes and still see clear blue ocean waves in Kona, with the sun sitting behind it at dusk. I can sit still and hear the monk chants that use to ring up and down the dust streets of Cambodia. Then, I open my eyes and see a TV glowing. I feel like precious time is being taken for granted. When I lay in bed at night and my eyes get adjusted to the dark room, I just look at all my stuff; very useless stuff just sitting collecting dust all around me, stuff that makes me feel so hallow. My heart knows that as I just lay there trying to drift into peaceful sleep, women around the world are forced to spend their nights giving mean pleasure as their children watch them, because they have no where else to go than with mom to work. I am so finite without Jesus. Laying in bed at night worrying that I'm wasting my life, I just hear the Lord whisper sweetly, "Do you trust Me, do you trust Me? You have to trust Me." Jesus is bigger, even when everything seems so wrong or too helpless to even think about, Jesus is still so much larger than any injustice. He defeated sin! He defeated sin for me! How can I just be passive wallowing and watching darkness after what He did for me?

"Because the poor are plundered, because the needy groan, I will now arise," says The Lord; "I will place him in the safety for which he longs." Ps.12:5

May 12, 2013

There are moments where I stop and think, if The Lord would have allowed me to look into my future and see what I am doing right now, I would have been so overwhelmed. But, The Lord knows what we can handle and exactly when we can handle what He has for us. He knows how to equip us to take us where He wants us. He knows our silly day dreams as little girls and boys, and watches those dreams grow into desires of our hearts. He knows the plans He has for us, and as we seek Him, we begin to see how He has equipped us to carry out His plans. Even as a little girl with a wild imagination I would have never been able to conjure up where I am, and what I am doing in my head. The Lord lavishes grace on me daily, and it has become so much more evident to me here in Cambodia. I am grateful that He gives His grace so freely, as undeserving as I will always be. I just love that The Lord is personal and relatable. He's not some high, unattainable religion, He is my Father, my Daddy. Jesus weeps with me and laughs with me. I think that sometimes He jumps up and down and claps His hands when is He is proud of me. He has characteristics and has given me parts of His character because I am His child. My Father knows my heart as He gives me His grace. He knows me, He really knows me. I have fallen in a fresh love with the truth that Christ knows me, every desire and every thought, even my most intricate parts. He knows what is good for me and prepares the very best for me. The Lord has ravished my heart.

Every Nation, Every Soul

Jesus seeks and chases after lost hearts. One of my favorite verses in Isaiah says, "The Lord must wait for you to come to Him so He can show you His love and compassion. For The Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help." I certainly do not deserve to be waited on, and yet my Father waits for me! If you're reading this, stop and thank Jesus that His desire is to show you mercy. Even when our hearts seem like Israel, The Lord will chase after, pursue and convict until He has consumed every part. Israel constantly turned away from their Savior, chasing after "every other lover", bowing before their idols. All the while The Lord longed to lead away and speak so tenderly, to restore and forgive. Oh Jesus, let us not be like Israel in their return to hurting You, instead increase our fear of You. Set us on fire for You, refine the parts of our heart that need refining. Jesus, come and consume me. Let this be your prayer everyday. Allow Jesus to speak sweetly to your heart, He will always remind you of how in love with you He is! Please help me pray this over Cambodia, until there is not one wondering soul.
Cambodia is filled with gentle people that have deep set, dark eyes full of mystery. I am living in the hottest, hardest, most genuinely beautiful place. There is a heaviness here that is hard to explain. There is also a huge spirit of confusion all over the nation. It's very easy to become apathetic. The enemy loves to attack in ways that cause disunity. Each morning,The Lord lavishes His grace on me, and it is more than enough to get me through. Pieces of my character that aren't so much like Jesus, are changing to be more like His. I am blessed to be working with a ministry called, "Women at Risk." The ministry has just recently started. We are working towards raising money to build a safe house here in Cambodia for all the women who are broken from trafficking. We are going into the karaoke bars, getting the women out, speaking truth over them and allowing The Lord to finally release them. The Lord gave the vision of this safe house to a lovely Cambodian lady named Sinut. It is amazing to work alongside ladies whose hearts are similar to mine in seeing women released from shame and given the freedom of The Lord. I love to ask them questions, I hope to gain their wisdom. I work with street kids through a ministry here called, "Transform Asia." Each Friday morning, my outreach team and I get in a big tuk tuk, pick up the children, feed them, smother them in hugs and love, then bathe and dress them. The only adequate way I can describe working in these ministries is that my heart always breaks and Jesus always picks it up and puts it back together again. He sows in patches of tenderness until my heart is bigger than it was before it was broken.
During the weekdays at five, I teach English at the youth development center at the YWAM base where I am staying. I have a class of about thirty five students, ranging from ages thirteen to thirty. Can I just say The Lord has provided in such miraculous ways! Each day a class full of almost all unbelievers come to me and listen. I get to build relationships with my students outside of class, we find fun ways to connect with each other in Cambodia. They spoil me and make me feel important in ways I would never expect. I love on them and the end result is discipleship. I love discipling! You know how sometimes you can just look at a person and love them, having no reason why and not really even know them? That is exactly how I feel about every person here, especially the people I have gotten the chance to know and love on. I have never felt as privileged as I do right now. I need your prayers, please help me pray for this nation. I can see The Lord placing a banner of freedom over all of Cambodia. I know The Lord is longing to give the Cambodians freedom from idol worship, freedom from the lies of the enemy and freedom from every spiritual stronghold. Just like Israel, Cambodia is chosen.

February 4, 2013

I can't explain to anyone the peace of The Lord. Scripture says, it is the peace that surpasses all understanding. Oh His word is so true. It's almost like The Lord comes down from His throne in Heaven and speaks understanding over your heart. This afternoon I fell asleep on a hammock, nothing special was happening when I went to sleep. I rested afraid though, so afraid of Gods plans for me. I woke up two hours later to go to the prayer room and God just assured me that everything is going to be okay. I struggled with wondering if He was ever going to reveal His plans for me, and fear that if He did I would be too afraid to listen. I would never want to admit this to The Lord, even though I know that He's all knowing. There's just something really heard about admitting unbelief to my Father, probably because I know a lot of repentance follows. The truth is His hand is on me, it's been on me, even in my miserable unbelief. The Lord has broken down so many walls to really reveal Himself to me. I laugh with joy at the fact that He has so much more work to do. But He is faithful, so faithful to finish what He's begun. I love to worship Jesus. I love to just sit in His presence, and I find that the more I do this, that peace that surpasses all understanding, it comes and fills me up. It is the best feeling anyone could ever have, being completely filled up by Jesus.

"I will bless The Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in The Lord; the humble shall hear of it and be glad. Oh, magnify The Lord with me, and let us exalt His Name together."
Psalms 34:1-3

I danced with Jesus

I'm in the prayer room tonight, soaking up The Lord with the last bit of my day that's left. This afternoon I prayed for revelation. Sitting with my head down the band started to play a song I love by Kari Jobe "The More I Seek You." I closed my eyes and The Lord allowed me to dream with Him for a moment.
I was standing in the dark and trying to spin freely, like a ballerina. But I kept failing and falling down. I laid on the ground weeping, because I knew that I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't do it alone. Then it was bright around me. I looked beside me and saw a glowing hand reaching out, it looked big and as trustworthy as a hand could look. I quickly grabbed ahold of the hand, knowing that it was the hand of The Lord. He picked me up and started helping me spin, and suddenly I was so beautiful! He kept His hand on mine and kept helping me spin, the smile on my face was more genuine than it had ever been. In the darkness that was shaped around us I could see the outline of many countries. The Lord started to turn me to these dark places, and we passed over them together. We spun with might and power, and as we passed each place its color changed from black to bright gold. The places we spun by were shinning. There was still dark places before us, but His strong hand held tight to mine and He kept me spinning.

Worship-Bryce Anderson

To really worship from the heart, we need to have a revelation of who God is (Isaiah 6:1-6)

When we have a revelation it is good to share so we fulfill the enjoyment of worship.

My prayer (1:17-18)

Scripture is pre-packaged dynamite. When we pray His heart back to Him, He longs to answer.

Worship is enjoyable. When we see something about Jesus, we respond- agree and step in truth.

In HIS presence there is fullness of joy!

If Jesus bought us with His body, shouldn't He enjoy what He
purchased? God is more excited about hearing me worship Him with my voice, because I am His, and I am the only one that can worship Him from my own heart.

I get to make The Father happy with my worship .

Worship is the goal_intimacy and relationship

Worship is compromised of feelings & truth.

Feelings sometimes have to catch up to truth and vice-versa.

Worship is falling prostate in submission.

I am made in the image of God. When I am acting like someone other than myself, I am watering down His image.

Two areas of worship:
Adoration- who He is
Thanksgiving- what He's done

He will release His fullness if we love one another (John 15:8-17)

Psalm 103

January 10, 2013

Have you ever walked into a place where you can feel the Holy Spirit send chills all over your body? My new favorite place to have quiet time is the prayer room on campus here at Ywam. When I walk and kneel in this prayer room I can feel Jesus holding me. I look around and the literal view is the ocean outside the window. In the early mornings and late afternoons I look out and see an orange and pink sunset that captures my heart and only makes me more awestruck before my creator God. When I pray and look deeper I see myself before Jesus with His scars and blood covered body that took on my skin. I feel my heart broken for every iniquity within myself.
This morning The Lord made Matthew 6 so very real for me.

*whenever I don't know what to pray before The Lord I will pray His prayer, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name."
* I am not here for "eye service" or to be a man pleaser.
* I love the fact that The Lord delights in us coming to Him in prayer and worship in "the secret place"
* "For my Father knows what I need before I ask Him."
* I will not store treasures here on earth that moth will eat and thieves steal. "For where my treasure is, there my heart will be also." Let my treasure be You, Jesus.
* I love verses 33-34 and feel like they are going to be made so real to me. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.....Don't worry about tomorrow."

The best of happiness is true joy, and that comes only from Jesus. I've found that its not necessarily "here" or "there" where I belong. Near The Lord, as close to Him as I can be, that is where I will always be. I am seeking Jesus in His word, my trust is in Him. He is the answer.